


It will end in flames

by Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire



Series: Stories 1001 - 2000 words [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Baz is going to Hampshire to search for a spell book, Baz walks in on them, Crying, Dramatic Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Gay Simon Snow, Gay Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Heartbreak, Hurt No Comfort, Inspired by a prompt, Light mention of sex, M/M, Mentioned Agatha Wellbelove, Mentioned Natasha Grimm-Pitch, POV First Person, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Pining Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Sad Ending, Sad Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon is snogging another bloke, Tumblr Prompt, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Loves Simon Snow, Vampire Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Watford Eighth Year, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire
Summary: [Light mention of sex] 18+ characters.In truth, I didn't really need it, I simply wanted to get away from Snow for today. He has a date with Wellbelove, I presume. They must have gotten back together.As I watched him trying to dress up for the occasion, my heart was bleeding out every sensation known to agony. He put on his best jeans, (he only owns two old pairs) and something resembling a button up, in gaudy orange colour that clashes with his complexion.Simon looked beautiful. He always does and I simply had to escape that hell.Inspired by Tumblr prompt submitted to Carry On Prompts.simon realizes he likes men before getting together with baz. baz finds him making out with a guy in the locker room (or anywhere). cue feelings.
Relationships: Dev & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon Snow/Original Male Character(s), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Stories 1001 - 2000 words [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100996
Comments: 39
Kudos: 93





	It will end in flames

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by prompt submitted to [carryonprompts](https://carryonprompts.tumblr.com/post/618997425305272320/simon-realizes-he-likes-men-before-getting)  
>   
>  _simon realizes he likes men before getting together with baz. baz finds him making out with a guy in the locker room (or anywhere). cue feelings._  
>   
>  It's sad.  
>   
> So much love to my amazing betas [mybluebucketofsnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybluebucketofsnow/pseuds/mybluebucketofsnow) and [ Lafeli85](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafeli85) for supporting me with my fics and in general, for being wonderful friends.💙💙💙  
> 

# BAZ

I walk into the boys’ locker room and am immediately accosted by the scent of green fire and brimstone.

Snow has been here for whatever reason or is still here.

Both occurrences feel equally unlikely to happen since he isn't on the team. Besides, it's a weekend. Coach Mac gave me the key to practice for a few hours on the pitch for the upcoming game. 

In truth, I didn't really need it, I simply wanted to get away from Snow for today. He has a date with Wellbelove, I presume. They must have gotten back together.

As I watched him trying to dress up for the occasion, my heart was bleeding out every sensation known to agony. He put on his best jeans, (he only owns two old pairs) and something resembling a button-up, in gaudy orange colour that clashes with his complexion. 

Simon looked beautiful. He always does and I simply had to escape that hell.

Initially, I was planning to visit Fiona for the weekend. However, with my mood being what it was, I was concerned she’ll know something was off about me. 

My aunt would undoubtedly ask questions which is the last thing I wish for. 

How am I supposed to pretend _not_ to be in love with Snow if people start asking questions?

As I get closer to the changing room, I sense more smoke. Must be my mind playing tricks on me, trying to torture me some more.

_Yes, yes, I will never be able to escape Snow, he’ll haunt my dreams and waking moments alike._

My brain doesn't need to keep reminding me of that. I'm not stupid. 

As soon as I open the door — a scene unfolds in front of me.

Simon Snow is snogging Dev right in front of my eyes. 

They are pressed together, as one limb. Snow’s mouth is on Dev’s, his hands are… 

Well, they are where I've been dreaming them to be on _me_ , since our fifth year.

I want to run away and yet I'm frozen in place. My body gave up on me. My mind hasn't though. 

No, my mind decided it'd be more beneficial for my anguish to observe this and memorise every painful detail. 

The image of them _together_ is now imprinted on my retina for the rest of my pitiful existence I'm desperately trying to call a resemblance of life.

A choked noise escapes my lips before I can stop myself. 

Both of them turn around, with visible shock on their faces. I suppose they weren't expecting company. 

I've heard people speaking about times when everything moves almost in slow motion. I never knew it to be true — simply some Hollywood propaganda to lure young maidens into believing in true love.

Aleister Crowley, I've been a complete fool.

They pull apart, swiftly but it seems to take forever. 

My eyes are glued to every place they were touching, which coincidentally was just about _everywhere_. 

Snow bursts out, ”Baz—” at the same time as Dev squeals,” I thought you were going to Fiona’s.”

My cousin doesn't know about my feelings for Snow. He thinks I hate him. (I wish I did.)

All of a sudden the look of shock on their faces is wiped out and replaced by confusion and concern.

Why are they watching me like that?

Oh.

 _Oh_.

I've just noticed that I'm crying. 

Charming. What a grand end to this exciting encounter.

At least, my body seems to have found its capacity to move again.

Thank snakes for small miracles. I don't actually believe in those. The only miracle known to men is death.

I try to master anything that might resemble some scraps of dignity, (even though I am well aware that the ship has already sailed) and hold my head high. 

”I seem to have misplaced my uniform,” I declare with practically an indifferent and steady tone. ”Carry on, lads.”

Then I abruptly turn around and leave, but not before I register pity in Dev’s eyes.

Who even cares at this point? What I do care about is to walk fast but not _too_ fast. I don't want them to think I'm running away in tears, despite it, in fact being the case.

As soon as I'm out of the building, I pick up the pace and stroll (run more like it) towards the Catacombs. 

I’m worried Dev will come after me. I can't face him. Not now that he knows and feels sorry for me. I saw it in his eyes — he knows.

I don't want his pity. I don't fucking want anyone's pity. I've got enough of my own, to last a lifetime, thank you very much. 

While sobbing on the cold floor of the Catacombs like a fucking moron that I am, (because I’m weak, because I'm a constant disappointment to myself), the images of them together are replaying on a constant loop.

 _Snow and Dev_ , I think.

How long has this been going on? 

It was a vastly different experience seeing Snow with my cousin than seeing him with Wellbelove ever was. 

It hurts more in ways I never knew was possible.

Regardless of the fact that my undead heart is nothing but a fraud to humanity, I seem to be finding depths of new ways to feel and to hurt. 

There are hidden chambers all around the darkest corners of my black as coal heart, containing all this human pain and grief. 

It's interesting that although people often speak of the ten circles of hell, they forget to mention how those are situated within one's heart.

Easy accommodation indeed. Simon Snow occupies each and every one of them. 

And as luck has it, a new chamber of horror has just opened up...

Not only was he snogging a bloke but also a member of my own family, no less. 

Well, of course, what was I expecting?

Anyone goes for Simon bloody Snow except for me. Why am I even surprised?

I was never good enough of a person for him. I'm not even a person. Why would he choose me? 

Crying my eyes out at the Catacombs isn't really helping.

I'm sick and tired of feeling bad for myself. I'm sick and tired of crying.

Instead, I wish for anger and hatred. I need anything that can erase the good feelings inside my heart. 

Do you know what I really want? I want _rage_ and I need it to singe everything else that resembles a living thing. 

Why cling to humanity when it's nothing but a naive childhood dream? We aren't children anymore.

I've always said, this thing between Snow and me will inevitably end in flames.

Well, then perhaps it's about time to fucking _burn_.

As soon as my mind is set, I walk to my mother’s tomb. (I promised myself not to cry in front of her earlier, I didn't want to upset her.)

The flowers I laid yesterday started to wilt. I cast **_“April showers!”_ **and they bloom again.

”I'm sorry, Mother. I know you’d never approve of the path I'm choosing,” I whisper and feel fresh tears falling down against my will. I’ve broken my promise.

”I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not.” 

The sun has already started to set when I finally exit the Catacombs. It's a good sign, I think. Light and brightness are unnecessary reminders of Snow. 

I leave for Hampshire as I am because I don't dare to go back to our room first. 

Fortunately, I have some money in my pocket. 

During the train ride, I try to figure out what kind of spell could be used. Our library is filled with banned books, some containing dark magic. 

Surely I can find something, anything to stop hurting, anything to stop loving him. 

Magic always comes at a cost, I’m well aware of that. However, I am willing to sacrifice all my love for hate.   
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. 💙  
>   
> You’re welcome to yell at me for all the pain, (but please, not _too much_ and not _mean_ yelling.)  
>   
> I’m sorry for all the sadness. If you’d like a bit of cheering up — here’s my Snowbaz happy stories:  
>   
> [He’s not dull](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23805289/chapters/57193069) — multiple chapters.  
>   
> [It Can Only Be You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613699/chapters/59461462) — multiple chapters  
>   
> [Baz is a cat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23314567/chapters/55844782) — short (1,513 words.)  
>   
> Fair warning the rest is all **smut** :  
>   
> [Summertime](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21792541/chapters/52001164) — multiple chapters.  
>   
> [How to lose a straight enemy in 10 easy steps](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157277/chapters/55423396) — multiple chapters.  
>   
> [Wanking my feelings away 2.0 edition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23721121) — one shot.  
>   
> [All it took was one glance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517976) — one shot.  
>   
> [Simon’s Summer](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21646147) — one shot.  
>   
> [The happiest moment of my life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825082) — one shot (this is a smut part of a longer fic.)


End file.
